You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Randomize
