Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
