Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum. http://tfl.nu/asaw
  Replies (36) Good night (2797) Bad night (722)
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job http://tfl.nu/wtkj
  Replies (18) Good night (681) Bad night (4351)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels. http://tfl.nu/hv8u
  Replies (13) Good night (7098) Bad night (1103)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris http://tfl.nu/nmbr
  Replies (43) Good night (8837) Bad night (1222)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk http://tfl.nu/aifa
  Replies (14) Good night (5312) Bad night (1178)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina. http://tfl.nu/pbex
  Replies (12) Good night (1101) Bad night (2614)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there. http://tfl.nu/fp94
  Replies (6) Good night (2076) Bad night (698)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Did you get your crutches off the street sign?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Did you get your crutches off the street sign? http://tfl.nu/v5z3
  Replies (2) Good night (1345) Bad night (1022)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain (215): replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum http://tfl.nu/e0rs
  Replies (2) Good night (1495) Bad night (519)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity. http://tfl.nu/w288
  Replies (4) Good night (898) Bad night (423)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn. http://tfl.nu/8782
  Replies (1) Good night (850) Bad night (343)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b. http://tfl.nu/x8nr
  Replies (6) Good night (625) Bad night (486)
• Favorite

  (276): View more from Virginia

  You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (276): You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy. http://tfl.nu/1029
  Replies (1) Good night (355) Bad night (230)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!" http://tfl.nu/knx8
  Replies (5) Good night (281) Bad night (437)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling. http://tfl.nu/ws33
  Replies (1) Good night (246) Bad night (434)

Randomize