so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
