I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno