Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.

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(703): I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts. http://tfl.nu/s7w5

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate

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(202): if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate http://tfl.nu/kvt4

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.

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(610): Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore. http://tfl.nu/f91d

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(208): View more from Idaho

opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling

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(208): opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling http://tfl.nu/a6db

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.

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(781): I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed. http://tfl.nu/ju0g

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(+61): View more from Australia

Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.

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(+61): Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other. http://tfl.nu/nigv

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(440): View more from Ohio

Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.

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(440): Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet. http://tfl.nu/2c2c

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(713): View more from Texas

I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock

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(713): I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock http://tfl.nu/svlq

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(319): View more from Iowa

You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there

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(319): You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there http://tfl.nu/a5ka

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(512): View more from Texas

Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...

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(512): Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation... http://tfl.nu/vkji

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(816): View more from Missouri

I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible

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(816): I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible http://tfl.nu/v92i

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.

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(902): Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure. http://tfl.nu/e9kb

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(817): View more from Texas

We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.

(1-817): View more from Texas

Braid them armpits, sister.

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(817): We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered. (1-817): Braid them armpits, sister. http://tfl.nu/o7hq

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(313): View more from Michigan

Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.

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(313): Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This. http://tfl.nu/r466

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it

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(202): All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it http://tfl.nu/syvy

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