Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?

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(755): How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad? http://tfl.nu/39qf

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(505): View more from New Mexico

Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.

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(505): Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear. http://tfl.nu/zxhr

Replies (45) Good night (702) Bad night (2986)
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(914): View more from New York

Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk

(1-914): View more from New York

It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you

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(914): Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk (1-914): It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you http://tfl.nu/bgwq

Replies (55) Good night (8743) Bad night (917)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?

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(215): Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home? http://tfl.nu/2ss6

Replies (29) Good night (5600) Bad night (2266)
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(443): View more from Maryland

I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.

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(443): I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face. http://tfl.nu/jlmy

Replies (6) Good night (3779) Bad night (984)
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(716): View more from New York

When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.

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(716): When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex. http://tfl.nu/mu23

Replies (14) Good night (3890) Bad night (1114)
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(509): View more from Washington

I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.

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(509): I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore. http://tfl.nu/24ew

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets

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(267): Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets http://tfl.nu/behk

Replies (7) Good night (1856) Bad night (707)
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(805): View more from California

I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.

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(805): I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation. http://tfl.nu/mgar

Replies (10) Good night (880) Bad night (1815)
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(914): View more from New York

Oh god. Standing was a rash decision

(847): View more from Illinois

I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...

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(914): Oh god. Standing was a rash decision (847): I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes... http://tfl.nu/8xp2

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(904): View more from Florida

You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.

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(904): You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell. http://tfl.nu/g46j

Replies (6) Good night (1819) Bad night (842)
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(360): View more from Washington

Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.

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(360): Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable. http://tfl.nu/uogv

Replies (13) Good night (1207) Bad night (522)
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(661): View more from California

Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.

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(661): Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre. http://tfl.nu/eizk

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(716): View more from New York

He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!

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(716): He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!! http://tfl.nu/3hh7

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(913): View more from Kansas

It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.

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(913): It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up. http://tfl.nu/mr2f

Replies (2) Good night (1007) Bad night (285)

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