I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
