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• (915): View more from Texas

  My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..

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• (253): View more from Washington

  For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.

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• (518): View more from New York

  and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card

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• 

  23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (253): View more from Washington

  he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.

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• (407): View more from Florida

  At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER

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• (774): View more from Massachusetts

  there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?

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• (210): View more from Texas

  The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced

  (210): View more from Texas

  The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks

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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase

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• 

  The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (509): View more from Washington

  How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch

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• (952): View more from Minnesota

  WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.

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• (870): View more from Arkansas

  I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.

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• (504): View more from Louisiana

  He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.

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• (810): View more from Michigan

  Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe

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• (514): View more from Quebec

  I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...

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