Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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