Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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