I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
