i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
