Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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