I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
