I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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