so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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