Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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