singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
