I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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