i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
