Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
