just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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