you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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