she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
