ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Randomize
