Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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