How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
