i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
