Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
