Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Randomize
