His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
