The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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