Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
