I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
