why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
