I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
