Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
