I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
