Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
