Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
