If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
