I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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