I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Dear god my vagina.
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