I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
