I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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