I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
