If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
