clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
