dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
