he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
