i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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