If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
