Kareoke will never be a sober sport
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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