I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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