Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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