I swear she didn't look like that last week.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
