When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
