I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Can I color on your dick again?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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