The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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