is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I don't deserve a penis
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
