don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Randomize
