Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
