Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
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The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize