The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
