when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
