i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
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We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
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I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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