i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
