carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
