after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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