You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
