Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
