this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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