So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
