So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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