Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
